'I don’t feel like I have a life purpose.’
‘I feel as though I don’t really fit with my life.’
‘I want to make some changes but I’m not sure where to start.’
These are some of the common things I hear when people first come to see me at my practice. But despite what you may think, this feeling of ‘lacking a life purpose’ isn’t limited to one age group or gender. Instead, it tends to come up when people are facing key life changes.
This was the situation one of my recent clients found himself in.
The client – let’s call him Mike – is close to retirement and he’s started thinking about what his life will be like after he finishes working. At the moment, Mike can see a lot of negatives: his grandkids won’t be needing his help as they're all grown up; he won’t be able to race cars like he once did; none of his mates will want to ‘ride’ like they used to. He feels like he won’t be needed and he is struggling to find purpose.
I‘ve been working with Mike on redefining his view on what ‘having a purpose’ really means and how he can go about finding it. I’d like to share some of that thinking with you.
Ditch the word ‘purpose’ to help you find yours
First things first, I'm not entirely sure I really like the word ‘purpose’. For me, it conjures up something that’s a little rigid or prescriptive. Instead, I prefer the word ’satisfying’. Asking yourself ‘What do I find satisfying?’ or ‘What fills my bucket?’ feels a lot less intimidating than asking, ‘What is my purpose?’
So, with that in mind, here are ten things you can do to build a satisfying life that gives you a feeling of place and purpose.
1. Understand what ‘fills your bucket’. What are those things that you do purely for the joy or the sense of satisfaction it gives you? Is it walking, sitting with family, gardening, participating in a club, sleeping, taking a bath, or something you do as a hobby? Write down at least three things.
2. Future-proof the things you enjoy. Take a look at the things on your ‘fills your bucket’ list and think about whether they'll be sustainable as you age. Some hobbies or activities can become too expensive, too physical, or are just no longer a good match as we get older. If something's not sustainable in its current format, think about whether there's a variation that while a little different, could keep you connected to the activity that you love.
3. Know your values. Our values – sometimes called core values or personal values – are those beliefs that we hold most dear. If you need a hand working out your values or you’d like a refresher, this article will step you through the process.
4. Write down a few goals. That’s right, write them down! Research has shown that when we write our goals down, we are much more likely to achieve them. Don’t forget to add a target date for each one.
5. Give back. Giving back to others can be a great way to establish a sense of purpose and satisfaction with your life. You could join a cause, volunteer, donate money or skills, or maybe just undertake a few random acts of kindness.
6. Practice gratitude. There's a lot of evidence that this focus really helps our sense of purpose. You can start by simply writing down three things you were grateful for each day. If you are doing that and want to go to the next step, check out this article for some more tips on practicing daily gratitude.
7. Explore your passions. What are you good at? What could you do more of? You don’t have to be good at everything, you can still nurture and grow your strengths. Try to be open to different things because you never know when you might find your newest passion!
8. Notice who you spend time with. While some people energise and uplift us, others drain us of energy. Notice how you feel around others and try to spend more time with people that inspire you.
9. Read more. If you needed an excuse to read more, here it is! Reading fiction has been found to improve your empathy and critical/creative thinking. So, grab yourself a cuppa, get comfy, and immerse yourself in another world for a while.
10. Practice self-acceptance and self-awareness. Working on your self-acceptance and self-awareness can lead to a greater sense of connection to others and everything you do, giving more meaning to your life.
If you've tried these exercises and are still having trouble finding your purpose, book a time to meet with me and we can discuss it in person: