Welcome to My Blog, this one touches on Communication!
Writing a blog will be an opportunity for me to share a little reflection on some of what I observe in the dynamics of life! While English was certainly my best subject at school, I don't claim to be an amazing writer. In saying this I treasure words and the need for us to use more of them to express how we feel. I hope you can find some value in these blogs and I look forward to hearing any comments or reflections you may choose to share.
One of the things I am most proud of is that I lost my ability to judge something as right or wrong a long time ago. This is because if I am to judge, it will be through my lens only.
Each of us perceives the world through a lens that reflects our experiences in life – every belief, every failure, and every lesson. As we all have unique life experiences, we all have our own unique lenses. What we need to consider then, is that other’s perspectives are not necessarily incorrect, they are just forming a view based on a different lens.
This challenge comes up all the time in my role as a counsellor. It presents not just in couples counselling, but also in my mediation work. This can be relationships between couples, family members, or even workplace colleagues. It is much easier to work through these challenges and opportunities when I see both parties. Seeing one person is much harder as I am hearing about a dynamic but can’t listen to the other perspective. And sometimes the story I am hearing is just a perception and may be exaggerated, biased, or not even true.
Think about how the media push or play-up a story, exaggerating the fear factor and drama to improve ratings. Statistics tell us that we have a greater chance of getting cancer than being bitten by a shark or mauled by a crocodile, yet we often see this ‘out of the ordinary’ story headlined on the news. Often, the whole story doesn’t come out until the media is long done with that news story. Sadly, the media also often neglects to follow up or to share with us additional information that may shed a different light on the topic.
And then there’s the history that our kids learn at school. The texts really only scrape the surface of the story, presenting a typically one-sided history written by the winners. What really took place when Cook ‘discovered’ Australia? What other historical events or significant calendar markings do you have questions about?
Yes, there are always two sides to a story but usually the truth is somewhere else – somewhere in the middle… somewhere to the side... it’s not always clear where but it’s somewhere! It means that when it comes to stories or opinions, it’s a good idea to do our homework before making judgments or taking firm decisions.
I have covered some broad territory here, so I will wrap up by returning to relationships. I think we could all do a whole lot better in relationships if we:
1) Tried not to judge the other party as ‘right’ or ‘wrong,’ but instead acknowledged that they have a preference that is different from our own.
2) Considered how important this difference is and whether it truly impacts us or if it is something we can step back from.
3) Considered if we might be willing to let go of the need to be ‘right’ if it means we save our relationship and can look at constructive ways forward.
As they say, there are two sides to every story – always has been and always will be because no two people view the world through the same lens.
How is this sitting with you?
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